Things that will NOT occur on my blog OR why FLH shouldn’t be allowed to blog post when she’s PMSing

*steps up on soapbox*

*clears throat*

*cough* *cough*

Hear ye, hear ye! Please direct your attention to me, the short, bloated woman standing on her soapbox. *waving arms* I would like to inform you of a list of things that will not occur on this blog.

If either of the first two are your bag, more power to you. Just know that you won’t find these things here.

Yeah, you heard me...

Yeah, you heard me...

1) Speculation and gossip about any actor’s private life.

I truly, madly, deeply don’t give a damn who Rob Pattinson (or anyone else for that matter) is fucking. There, I said it. I don’t care if it’s mineral, vegetable, or Kristen Stewart. I am so incredibly weary of seeing all kinds of stories about who’s doing who and who’s wearing who’s hole-y shirt and who’s texting who. Talking about it so much just feels so high school. I just cannot understand the emotional investment in the sex lives of young people who will all be fucking completely different people this time next year.

The only exception to item #2 - seriously, is this what you want for the poor guy?

The only exception to item #2 - seriously, is this what you want for the poor guy?

2) Posting of paparazzi pictures

It’s one thing to take pictures of an actor at a movie set on a public street; it’s a completely different thing to take pictures of an actress allegedly coming out of a medical office! Would you want some guy with a camera taking your picture as you come out of your GYN’s office after your yearly pap smear and plastering it all over the Internet? Being in a popular movie doesn’t mean that you should have to have every moment of your life preserved in pictures and disseminated to the public. And, as long as we keep looking at the pictures and buying the magazines they’re in, the paparazzi will keep getting bolder and bolder about what they will photograph and what they will do to get the photograph first.

These next two are more notes to myself that I hope my peeps will remind me of if need be.

Even I cannot make this shit up.

Even I cannot make this shit up.

3) Putting anyone above snark

In my world, there was only one man who walked on water, and his name wasn’t Robert Pattinson. If you’ve read this blog before today or followed me on Twitter, you know I’m a total PattinSlut (I cannot believe I just called myself that). However, that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate when he does something snark-worthy *cough*mid-life crisis car*cough*. Most of my friends are guys, and I learned fairly early that, to get along, I needed to be able to bust some balls with the best of them. This applies to the fair Mr. P as much as it does to every man I’ve ever been attracted to, including the man I married.

I am so ashamed...

4) Taking myself too seriously

Remember the busting-balls lesson? That went right along with the learning-to-laugh-at-myself and developing-a-thick-skin lessons. Come on, people! I’m a grown ass woman who writes about characters in a YA novel and has an action figure at the bottom of her purse, for Christ’s sake. What’s not funny about that? My guy friends give me grief about it all the time, and, trust me, I can see the humor in it. If I ever get to the point that it’s not slightly embarrassing, I’ll know it’s time for therapy.


Did I scare everyone off?


Hmmm, well, I’ll miss you guys. *sniffle*

*stepping off soapbox*

Now where was that chocolate I hid last month?

Update 9 August 2009, 12AM:

Things just got worse on Saturday, and I’m not the only one who’s sick of this shit. Amcas at Why Not RPattz and FP at Thinking of Rob have both written about why they are not posting the latest pap pictures.

Looking for pap-free websites?  Try these:

As people tell me their blogs are pap free, I’m adding them to my sidebar. Over there ==>.  Somewhere in the middle.

Update 09 August 2009, 10:30AM:

To give the pap-free website list more visibility, I’ve added a separate page for it. Please comment on that page if you have links I should add.

Pap-Free Twilight/Rob Websites

~ by fragile little human on 7 August 2009.

15 Responses to “Things that will NOT occur on my blog OR why FLH shouldn’t be allowed to blog post when she’s PMSing”

  1. BRAVA!! I think you should post blogs during PMS more often!! I enjoy this side of you!

  2. Oh, Sweetie! A day in the life of a PMS’n woman! I still ❤ you & I agree with EVERYTHING You said!

    I have some homemade cookie cake, you want some?


  3. I lovers you.. This is not all.. You make me laugh. And this is not all.

    1. I totally dont give a fuck about that either. Robsten who? He can fuck whoever he wants and so can she.. Lets not forget Nikki Reed is banging both of them.. Seriously.. That should be fucking hawt but its not b/c people suck and that is society for you.. hmmph..

    **whispers.. i didnt say that.. the part bout nikki reed banging both being fuck hawt.. yeah i didnt..**

    2. The pap sucks ass.. bad like.. Maybe we should follow them to their gyn appointments.. I dont know about you but I dont wear make up to mine.. camera? no thanks..

    3. I’m having a mid mid life crisis. I rather enjoy them. Its okay.. I dont mind.. While hot cars rock my world.. hot guys do too.. I’m not ashamed.. Everyone should enjoy it while they fucking can.. *winks*

    4. I laugh at myself alot. Most of my friends have always been guys and you either beat them or join them.. And well.. yeah that.. Joining is just more fun sometimes.. Not to mention you learn some really funny fucking jokes.. uh huh.. you do..

    keep it fun.. keep it light.. remember.. you ahve every right 2 bitch when you wanna.. I dont mind..

  4. Warning. Drunk comment in 5-4-3-2-*points finger at screen*

    K- As always I have missed something. But at this point I am just so freaking use to it. *shrugs*

    1.I’m assuming today, yesterday(?) something happened in the world of RobStgayness… I’m so with you on the I don’t give a fuck who’s fucking who that I don’t even know when the “big” news happens to get pissed at it.

    2.What the heck?! Rob was getting his yearly check up at a GYN’s office?! And what the hell is wrong with people?! I can barely make him out, it’s only the Nike’s that give him away and it freaking breaks my heart. All the reasons I don’t look at those fucking pictures.

    3. I’m a total PattinSlut. I lovers the sound of that name. But yet again I am completely lost. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TODAY?! Rob is having a mid-life crisis?! *confuzzoled face*

    4. Well you didn’t lose me, all though I must admit to being COMPLETELY lost! Not out of the norm. But I am with you on this point. The moment I start taking myself seriously, don’t realize I am completely insane for having a doll (not to mention a twi-blog) and start defending sparkles I am outy here. I’ve already asked Mr. Cutie to commit me at that point.

    I lovers you, fragile. And your soapboxes are the bestest.

    • To be honest, if it weren’t for fucking Twitter, I wouldn’t know any of this shit. The day the hackers shut it down? Probably the calmest day I had all week. Anyway, here’s what set me off, in order of occurrence:

      1) A couple of days ago, there were a bunch of tweets of a picture of Kristen Stewart leaving a supposed medical building. That’s just completely inappropriate. You know when I’m pissed off for KStew, it must be bad. I just kept wondering, if people gave a shit who I was, would I want some nasty fucking pap outside the hospital taking pictures of me after my infusion, all green at the gills and trying not to vomit? Um, no, that would be no.

      2) Then, Twitter went ape shit over pics of Rob driving some car, and someone tweeted that it was his mid-life crisis car. Then other people got all upset because, apparently, if you’re a real Rob fan, you never make fun of him…ever…for anything. *eyes rolling into the back of my fucking head*

      3) The last straw was Friday, when practically EVERY DAMN TWEET was about Rob & Kristen going to see Marcus Foster (I think) play at some club and whether they left together or spent the night together. The series of pictures ended with a picture of Rob eating his lunch at the hotel restaurant. The boy cannot even eat his goddamned french fries in peace!!

      Not sure why the french fries thing completely set me off, but it did. I was reading Twitter to distract myself from my insatiable need to beat the holy living hell out of the new programmer at work, and all it did was make me even more irritated. I admit that I’ve looked at the pap pictures in the past, but, as they’ve gotten more inappropriate, I’ve been reining that shit in. Now, if it’s not at a public event or on a movie set, I’m not looking at it.

      • Oh Holy Hell— Well, you know my “secret” now. And it does save my sanity. Because I don’t hang out in the Twi-world for gossip and pap pics. I’ve never been interested in all that hoopla and try to stay away from it as best I can. I’ve seen pap pics, run into them online. I don’t look for them anymore but I am not a stick in the mud about others posting or tweeting them. *shrugs*

        I can totally see why there was a need for the soapbox and I thank yea for taking it up.

  5. Haha! I love this post. If I could frame it, I would. This was my favorite part:

    I truly, madly, deeply don’t give a damn who Rob Pattinson (or anyone else for that matter) is fucking. There, I said it. I don’t care if it’s mineral, vegetable, or Kristen Stewart.

    Sing it, sister! 😉

  6. Wow. I have to say, I love this side of you! =]

  7. I love EVERY single bit of this post. EVERY BIT.
    re 1&2: A rant about the gossip, buying crap magazines and excessive airport/set stalking/where-is-Rob-today pics was warranted. the fans are the ones with the real power to change this stuff, and I’ve have been disappointed by a lot of stuff lately. I didn’t know about all of these pap-free sites, incl. yours, until today and am happy to learn about some places where robsessing can still be fun so thx for the list.
    3: BAHAHAHA. the car IS hilarious, ESPECIALLY with Rob, he of the patched up pants, in it. I would only find that car hot with him in it.
    4: I am nearly 30 and cringed at some parts while reading the books for the first time even as I barely took a break between books sooo yes I’d be more worried if we weren’t laughing at ourselves

  8. Absolutely true, every word of this! You took the words right out of my mouth. I really hate all those paparazzis and while I know you have to expect that being a celebrity, it doesn´t mean that the they can make the celeb´s life hell. Now, I know why they always wear sunglasses….
    And all those freaking Fan Girls can be happy that he still let them take photos with him.. maybe he shouldn´t so that people learn something? But I guess you can´t people teach to respect the privacy from a stranger, and that what he is a stranger!

  9. […] we’re pissed, here’s Greta’s re-enactment of the pap pic that started the uproar (because, as we’ve established before, we don’t post that paparazzi shit here): Not Rob, 'cause, unlike Rob, Greta would shank a […]

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