The Day Mr. Cutie Broke Edward’s Heart

In case you didn’t know, Cutie’s DH, Mr. Cutie, is giving away 4 $25 Fandango gift cards to celebrate SSTB reaching the 100 follower mark. The following is my attempt to sway the judges (well, Mr. Cutie’s the only judge).


The scene: Cutie, gracefully hunched over her laptop, cursing the ancient philosophers. Her door opens, and in walks a fine specimen of vampire.

Edward, in all his glory

Edward, in all his glory

Edward:  Cutie, love of my life, come run away with me.

Cutie:  Edward? You’re real?! I thought you were just Stephenie Meyer’s dream!

Edward:  Please, no one’s imagination is this good.

Cutie:  Wow! So, why are you here?

Edward:  I read your blog religiously, and you are my dream woman. I’ve seen your posts to Mr. P, and I can assure you he has nothing on me. Run away with me!

Cutie:  Um, no.

Edward:  *pinching the bridge of his nose* What do you mean no?

Cutie:  I’m married. You know, Mr. Cutie. I’m sure you’ve read about him.

Edward:  So? Your point?

Cutie:  Yeah, my point is, as much as you’re an attractive, formerly-fictional character, I love my husband.

Edward:  But I’m so Edwardly.  *running hands through hair*

Cutie:  *talk-to-the-hand gesture* Whatever.

Edward:  I can give you eternal life.

Cutie:  Overrated.

Edward:  I’ll protect you from your closest dog friends.

Cutie:  Mr. Cutie lets me hang out with all my lovely Twi-ladies, and he’s going to give my blog followers wonderful gifts, all because he loves me. He even puts up with my publicly salivating over a 20-something actor who will only truly ever love fragile little human.

Okay, I embellish - it is my blog, after all.

Okay, I embellish - it is my blog, after all.

Edward:  *rustling clothing* But I SPARKLE!!

Cutie:  Put. That. Back. In. Your. Pants!!  *shielding eyes* Yeah, well Mr. Cutie has TATTOOS! Beat that!

Edward:  *straightening back* I can get a tattoo! I’ll cover my entire body in tattoos if it will make you leave with me.

Cutie:  Silly vampire, you can’t get a tattoo. The needle would break against your granite-hard flesh.

Edward:  *pouting* So, you won’t run away with me?

Cutie:  Nope, I got a good thing here. Sorry. Why don’t you go back to Bella?

Edward:  Have you seen her hair?! She’s got a *gasp* mullet!

Cutie:  Sorry, dude.

Edward:  Well, I’ll just go to Italy and let the Volturi kill me. *slinking away*

Cutie:  *talking to self* The Volturi exist, too? Oh, nevermind  *yelling to Edward* Wait, Memory_Jean is single!

Edward:  *turning and smiling* Really? She’s cute…


Mr. Cutie, I hope you like this! Just one small request: if you pick my humble entry, could you donate the $$ you’d spend on my gift card to the CCFA instead? Kthxbai 🙂

~ by fragile little human on 12 September 2009.

7 Responses to “The Day Mr. Cutie Broke Edward’s Heart”

  1. I love it!! THANK YOU!!! 🙂 And of course I wouldn’t run away with Edward Cullen. *wink wink* Bwahhahahahhaha.

  2. i lol’d. what’s a volturi? it sounds amazingly fantastical. to be honest, the mere mention of memory_jean gets you extra points. plus you have bad things to say about that horse-faced ugly-ass bella, so you got that goin for you… hmmm i will declare that this will be considered as an entry. grats.

  3. this is amazing, I am cracking up… truly…
    what I would reallu like to know is how the hell I got involved in this one!! hahahahaaa…
    oh shoot, there’s someone knocking on the door, I hope it isn’t Edward…
    BRB!

    *15 minutes later*

    wow thanks fragile, now I had to break his heart too… I told him I am sorry but I love his brother, I feel like a bitch.

  4. you.are.awesome.! The End!
    lol great, really.

  5. just wanted to add, after memory_Jean broke his heart she put Edward in the plan and send him to me! 🙂 He´ll arrive somewhere tomorrow.. So I might be busy tomorrow..

  6. […] you recall, I posted a little entry in Mr. Cutie’s Giveaway @ SSTB. I really entered mainly to see if I could gain Mr. […]

  7. i love himmmm
    he is hooott¡¡¡

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